i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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