Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
