So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
