while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize