apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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