Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize
