someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
