btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
