so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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