after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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