dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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