how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The uberlube is also flammable
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
