i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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