Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
