her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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