I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
