my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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