Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
