Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
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