my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
