everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
