I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
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