Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
