if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize