he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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