I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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