Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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