He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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