I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
