Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize