I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
