you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
