She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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