She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
