my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
