Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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