How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
