Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
