Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize