thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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