woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
How does it feel to date your dad?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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