Sponge bath it is.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
