i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
