he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
