i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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