called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
