a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Duck Duck Cougar?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
