I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
