so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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