I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
