he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
All the doctor said was why
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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