btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
