Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
