What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
