There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
