If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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