all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
How's work?
Spinning.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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