Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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