Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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