I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
