the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
