Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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