I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
