I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
