I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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