What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
