Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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