..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Randomize
