You're so nebulous sometimes
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
