just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
