i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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