Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It was confusing and full of hummus
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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