So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I have fence marks all over my body
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
