i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
