we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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