i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
