i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
