She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
