We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize