I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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