You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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