I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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