oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
