i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
