She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
