I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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