I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
