when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
