A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
