break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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