just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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