Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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