i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
