i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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