Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
