Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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