just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
