Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
