You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
