I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
