I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
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