The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
