I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
