sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize