The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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