i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just found a bag of teeth...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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