I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
