i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
