At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
