you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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