Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
