There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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