there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize