Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
